Holding On.

 Hello there Beauties!

It has been a rough week, I'm not even gonna lie. Like life has just been going and going and going. Nonstop. No time to catch a breath, no time to just relax. Mind you, I still haven't been doing much. No cleaning, no school work, no nothing. I am literally just going through the motions at this point. I am guessing it is all part of my "healing" journey. 

The road to healing is never a straight one. There are twists, turns, ups and downs. I remember when I just thought about healing and how it completely threw me off guard. It is often misconstrued (I, too, am guilty) because nobody ever tells you where it starts. How does it start? Why? What constitutes healing and how do we get there? 

I honestly thought that healing could just be a physical thing. Because, in truth and in fact, one normally heals after being wounded. Truth be told, I was originally of the notion that wounds are entirely physical. Now, after I’ve experienced loss, great loss, I’ve been wounded physically, as well as emotionally, mentally and psychologically. So now, my definition of healing is simply this: “being comfortable with feeling better.” 

Life after loss is weird. You think you’re coping well and you are at least okay but suddenly, you feel a sharp pain in your chest. Suddenly, you feel the urge to burst into tears. Suddenly, your life is falling apart and you can’t catch it. Picture it. You. Your loved ones. Memories. One minute you’re happy and laughing and living in the moment. And then, the next, you’re thinking “where have I gone wrong?” “Where did I go wrong?” “Where am I going wrong?” And you just want to curl up into a ball and die. Because nothing feels right and you make everybody hate you and you can’t seem to get anything right. 

 

But I can safely say it is not always like that. There are good(ish) days. Hold on to that. 

And if you happen to read this, answer this question:

QOTD: What motivates you?