Soup, soup?

Hello there Beauties!

This has been a time. I don't currently have the right adjective, but I have been struggling mentally and emotionally. This has been a TIME. 

Tertiary education is seriously not for the weak. I have been struggling with regular life, but the struggle I face with my education is even worse. On top of the enormous course load that I have, hectic class schedules, job hunting, social life, emotional and mental well-being, and self-care, I am also gravely grappling with my course content for my area of specialization. 

As a secondary education student-teacher, knowledge of my content is very essential for my line of work. My area of specialization is Modern languages: Spanish and French, with a major in French and a minor in Spanish. Mind you, the passion for the languages is very much present, or I would not have chosen to study them past the secondary level, but I feel like at this point in my studies, I am not exactly where I want to be. I feel pressured and behind; like I am doing absolutely nothing, and at this stage, I should be fluent. As a sophomore, it is my belief that I should be at at least the B1 level (semi fluent). When I produce work, I do not think it is up to par with my personal expectations, or even with the expectations set by my lecturers. What hurts most is the fact that I actually practice, I actually try and I am not just sitting here idly expecting to become fluent overnight.

Regardless of whether or not I go into the classroom as a professional, I still have to do practicum to complete my studies. That means, each year, I will be in front of a class of students who are looking to me for knowledge. "The presha is gettin wersa!" Because I am not prepared! I do not knowwww! Gosh, I do not know what I am doing! 

Besides that, the push for "professionalism" at this college is driving me nuts. I am losing my sense of who I am, because I am forced to be confined by, or dumb myself down to fit in this box of professionalism. This is all just trying to tell me that who I am, my authentic self, is not professional. My problem is, emphasis is placed on this "professionalism" and not on education. In my very humble opinion (really going to humble myself because this is my first degree, so who am I to say?) that is absolute garbage, because it is quite obvious that priorities need to be shifted. 

Anyway, this rant is really cutting into the time designated for me to actually work on my upcoming course work pieces that I have due.

 QOTD:  How do you get through your worst days?