Unlearn.

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 Hello there Beauties!

Here is a list of this I need people to stop doing regarding someone who is grieving: 

When I wrote this, it was personalized to me, so please bear with me if it does not seem general. 


  • Stop trying to sell to people that it gets better.  Just stop, okay? This is not some bad cold that you give yourself time and you take medicine and eat fruits and drink water and then one day you wake up and you don’t have the cold anymore. This is someone's future we’re talking about; it’s someone graduating and not having their loved one(s) here, possibly getting married and not having their loved one(s) here, becoming successful and not having their loved one(s) here and I could continue if I had the time, but I don’t. Bottom line: this is someone's future, yes? A future without a loved one(s), if I might add. I’m sure you understand. It hurts. The cold hard truth is that it doesn’t get better; not for everyone.
  • Stop traumatizing people with questions like, “Do you think this is what your loved one(s) would have wanted for you?” and “What would they say/do about ______?” The truth is, I do not know. Nobody really knows. I have no idea. I wish I did, but I don’t. I have no way of asking. I wish I could, but I can’t. Chances are the person you are asking really does not know either. You seem to know though, so why don’t you go along with that? Please. Stop traumatizing people. 
  • Refrain from telling people to have faith. Yes, faith is necessary. Personally, I have faith, that’s why I’m still here fighting the good fight. What I do not have is tolerance and respect for people who try and sell some utopic mindset. No, it’s not all hurricanes and thunderstorms, not all the time. But the truth is, it will never be all sunshine and rainbows either. So please, faith really and honestly and truly does not solve anything. Yes, I have faith. Yes, I love and trust God. No, I do not believe it makes it all okay, AND NO, I also do not believe that it’s a gateway to make it all okay again (please excuse the personal rant.) 
  • Desist from telling people to be strong. I am strong okay? I became strong the minute I sat in Mrs. McConnell’s office that hot, Thursday afternoon 5 years ago. (this describes the scene in which I learnt of my mother's death). And I’ve had to be strong since. Strength doesn’t do much. It solves nothing. Please desist. 
  • Please stop telling people that “Life/God sometimes gives people these battles and they will make them stronger and it will be a testimony and BLAH BLAH BLAH” Please. Stop. People do not need to be told that they are strong enough to handle this because it’s going to cause some sort of turnaround for anybody. Sometimes, you need to accept that what you see is not necessarily strength, but ways and means of survival. Please. Stop it. 

I really don’t know or care where you were taught or how you were taught, but unlearn. Please. 

stay tuned for more. 


And if you happen to read this, answer this question:

QOTD:  How was your day? Mine was more on the awful side tbh.



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