Keep Going.

 Hello there Beauties! 

It's been a while.

These past couple of days have been rough. I am usually on top of my game despite life being..... well, hard. Yes, there have been days when things are just not going well and that's okay. It is indeed okay not to be okay. I have seasons of hypersomnia and insomnia in intervals. The days when I can barely make it out of bed make sense to me. I'm tired. Insomniac because my mind does not shut up makes sense. I mean, I always have a lot on my mind: how things will work out, what the hell am I even doing with my life, and of course, is all of this struggling worth it? That actually makes sense to me. But, the days, the hypersomniac days, when I am just so tired from doing absolutely nothing, the days when I just sleep my life away, will always be interesting to me. Because, in entirety, that makes for a never-ending cycle. I'm up because I cannot stop thinking; that makes me tired and insomniac. I'm always tired because sometimes I cannot sleep; that makes me oversleep and 'idle' my life away. People always call it lazy, and sometimes I do think I am, but it's more than that. I am exhausted, the kind of exhausted that sleep (even too much of it) cannot fix. That's the problem: I honestly do not think there is any fixing it. That leaves me a broken mess, one that so desperately needs fixing that cannot be achieved. You see my dilemna? 

These days I have been both hypersomniac and insomniac. That in and of itself is such a tragedy that I cannot even explain. 

But, I haven't journalled, I haven't cooked (I have been eating though), I haven't written any notes for school and I've just been... well.... out of it.  At least I don't currently have anything due, cheers to that. But I feel like I am getting better, so I will try writing more. There are literally so many thoughts in my head; so, so, so may. Granted, not all of them make sense, but there are some that do. I just want to share them with someone. The three people I talk to on a daily basis have already figured out my mind patterns, all that is to discover about it and all there is to know about where I am mentally. It is my opinion that, quite frankly, they must be tired. 

Before I go, here are two tips and a quote that can help anyone who is feeling how I am feeling, or close.

1. Even on the days when you feel like all you did is exist, take up space, or breathe, you have won whatever battle it is that you were facing simply because you did not give up. You are not defined by your achievements, especially if you are the one measuring them. Life is already hard on you, don't be hard on yourself.

2. Take a moment to breathe, and look at your life with the perspective that you are still human. Even if you did not achieve your goals, or you are not where you want to be, or you are not sure what is currently happening in your life, you are still human. We err, we mess up, we fail sometimes, not necessarily because we want to, but because that is simply how life is. The task is to keep going, keep trying, keep showing up. Because in the end, you will not only be proud of yourself for trying, you will be proud of your journey.

The quote is by Harpreet M. Dayal and it says, "And when the pain in your heart has subsided, you know you have survived."  A very good friend of mine shared that with me some 4 years ago and it has stuck with me ever since. Keep going, love. You got this. 

And if you happen to read this, answer this question:

QOTD:  What is your quote that helps you when you do not feel like you can go any further?