Mediocrity? Nah.

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 Hello there Beauties!

How are you all? How is life? I am actually in a rut/funk today, and writing is usually what helps me to get out of it. These thoughts usually spring out of nowhere, and I have to try my best to get them under control. I was speaking to my core three (niece, bsf, bf) and I was just expressing my frustration about my life not being where I want it to be essentially. I just think I am not at a point that I am proud of, no job, no income, no money, no accolades, no degree (pending), and no major accomplishments. 

I sat and thought to myself just now, "Why are you trying so hard? Why are you so hard on yourself?" and the quite simple answer came to me. My mom worked tirelessly and selflessly until the end of her life so I could be somebody great. She sacrificed so much, did so much, and was so much, so I can be somebody great. If I should die today I would not have been that 'somebody great' that she died for. It would've all been for nothing. 

I try to tell myself that I am doing a good job. I try to be proud of myself. I try to celebrate myself and all the little and not-so-little wins. To be quite honest, I hate that I am so impatient with myself, but the reality is that I do have to go hard. I do have to work a little harder than most. My greatness did not start from having my foot in any door anywhere. I have had to do it from scratch. I wasn't born with any gold spoon or any 'links.' I have to be doing it from start, with no hand-outs, no luck, and no links. So, if I were not somebody great, I would have wasted my life. 

I saw my mom work tirelessly, she struggled, and she sacrificed so much. I have worked hard, I have struggled, and I have sacrificed so much. Therefore, I cannot picture a life in which I settle for mediocrity. I can't not be someone great. I can't have wasted both my life and hers. 

Dear me, 

Be patient with yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you have. You will be okay. Everything will be okay. I love you. I am proud of you. Keep going.

 QOTD:  What are your biggest fears?


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