Rewiring My Mind: Part Six - The Fear of the Unknown

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Hello there Beauties!

I am on a journey to reshape the way I think, and in turn, change my life. This deep dive into self-reflection has been very enlightening, and I wholeheartedly believe I will emerge a better person from this ordeal. This week, I will talk about the fear of the unknown, and how that contributes to my anxious thoughts. 

I have always been a fairly anxious person ever since I could remember. I always played it off as being shy and terrified of crowds. My earliest memory of this crippling feeling was for either a third or fourth-grade spelling bee. I was to represent my school at the semi-regional spelling bee; believe me, I was very confident when I left home. Upon arrival, my palms became sweaty, and my heart started racing. My mom was there with me, along with other spellers and teachers from school. When the competition was about to start, I started crying. I remember feeling like the walls were closing in on me. Since then, once I have to appear in front of anyone, to do anything, that feeling resurfaces. 

I didn't identify it as anxiety until I was around 16/17 years old. I realized that this excessive crying was not normal. I also realized it wasn't a fear of crowds because the crowd could be three people, 10 friends, or even family members. The fear was either of an unknown situation, outcome, or challenge that may occur. In other words, I feared (and still do) what would happen. 

In my adult life, I see it manifest itself in many ways: presentations for school, one-on-one conversations with authority, meetings, interviews, conversations with people I don't know, impromptu situations I don't have time to prepare for, being in situations I don't have full control of, making decisions, going out alone, sleeping in the dark, and so many other situations. It is a constant battle of worrying about events that have not yet happened or are unlikely to even happen in the first place. 

I have tried focusing on taking life one day at a time for these past months. It has not been awful, but it also has not been great. I am still having a hard time doing things on my own, and putting myself out there, especially in spaces I know deep down I belong in. I am brazenly and openly here to ask for help because my methods do not seem to work.

QOTD: How do you tackle anxiety in everyday life without medication (I am not against medication, but I have consistency problems where that is concerned)? You can reply here or message me on social media via the link in my link tree. 


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