Imposter Syndrome - Is This Actually Real?

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Hello there Beauties!

Please drape me and fight me for the inconsistency. I have been in such a writing rut these past couple of weeks because I do not know what to write, and I have been quite sad and lonely. I have also been experiencing an overwhelming case of Imposter Syndrome. Thoughts like, "What are you actually doing here?", "Why do you think you even deserve this?" and "You are not doing anything with your life'" have been plaguing me. My biggest fear is not essentially dying, but rather dying after having lived a mediocre life. I am terribly afraid of being mediocre; of living a life of mediocrity; of having a mediocre legacy/story to tell. I have lived my life in a constant loop of trying and trying and trying and trying and trying to be somebody worthwhile. It has felt so normal that now I don't even know how to be me anymore. I am constantly trying to outdo myself, push past my limits, try something new, learn something new, do something, try something, be something. Trust me, it has been a time. A very trying, tiring, sad time. All of this, I have realized, suggests Imposter Syndrome. 

What is Imposter Syndrome? 
According to Saymeh (2024), Imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like "a fraud" or "a phony" and doubting their abilities.

There are several types. After extensive reading, I have cited below the one that resonates most with me. The Superperson. This type of imposter syndrome involves believing that you must be the hardest worker or reach the highest levels of achievement possible and, if you don't, you are a fraud (Cuncic, 2024). My best friend has recently told me that unless I pinpoint what exactly I am working so hard towards, everything I accomplish before then will seem inconsequential and unimportant. That drag was absolutely needed, because be so real Beloushii, what on earth is wrong with you? 

Imposter syndrome is a silent killer. 

For me, it shows up in moments when I am thinking about my life and all the things I want for myself that I have not yet achieved. In Jamaica right now it's graduation season, and as you know, I was supposed to be a 2025 graduate, but I am not graduating anytime soon. That's a very hard blow because I know that if my mom was alive, I would have been a 2023 graduate. But, that's a story for another time. Moments like this just feel like I am not doing anything with my life, even though I am literally in a country I have always wanted to visit, immersing myself into a culture I have been studying for almost 8 years, speaking a language that I am trying to master, and doing things I have never even dreamed about doing. This is the experience of a lifetime, but how do I make myself recognize that? 

Well, recently, I have come to the realization that it starts with an attitude of gratitude. Appreciate even the little steps you have made on your journey. Think about where you used to be and where you are now and identify all the areas of growth. Right now, I am experiencing things I could have only dreamed of years ago. Last year I would have never even dreamed that would be here, but I am, and I am eternally grateful that I am. 

This advice is for my readers who are in their season of doubt, and for myself: 

1. Matthew 6:33 (one of my favourite verses) says, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." 

2. Stop focusing on all the things you don't yet have/want. Work on them, but don't let them depress you. Try focusing on, appreciating, and being thankful for all the things you already have. It's not worthwhile if you only focus on the destination and do not appreciate all the things that make up your entire journey. As a reader, who doesn't like a good plot twist? Stop trying to jump to the end, the middle is just as important. 

I am trying every day to take my own advice. It is never easy. Gotta keep reminding myself that I am that girl, and will forever be her. Fix your crown and hold your head up Beloushii, keep going. 

Love from all ends, 
Bella

QOTD: How has October been for you guys? 

References

Cuncic, A., MA. (2024, September 23). Is impostor syndrome holding you back from living your best life? Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/imposter-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469


Saymeh, A. S., Bcc, Mba, Cpcc, Pcc,. (2024, February 22). What is imposter syndrome? Definition, symptoms, and overcoming it. Better Up. Retrieved October 31, 2024, from https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-imposter-syndrome-and-how-to-avoid-it#:~:text=No%20matter%20what%20goals%20people,them%2C%20despite%20their%20best%20efforts.





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