Do You Love Me?

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Hello there Beauties!

How are you guys doing? How has 2025 been so far? Since my last blog post I’ve been nursing myself back to health after the flu. I hate being sick, but I hate going to the doctor even more (this is something I’m trying to work on, but I gotta work through the trauma first), and so I went the natural route by blending ginger, lemons and oranges, and I also got some over-the-counter cough syrup. I feel so much better, and I was determined to remain consistent and post today. 

In the spirit of being honest, I had no idea what to write about today. Usually, I use my experiences throughout the previous week to base my posts on, or I start with a thought then build it over the course of the week. Either way, the content is usually planned written (most times) before Sunday. This week, I couldn’t plan anything because I was under the weather. Up until right now, my mind has been blank. However, I have a thought so let’s explore it. 

I did the Love Languages Test about 6 months into my current relationship, so roughly 4 years ago. If you don’t know what it is, this quiz is used to determine how you give and perceive love in relationships. There are five main love languages: Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Gift Giving, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. It helps measure how the actions of others affect how loved you feel following a certain moment or situation. 

Every time I’ve done that test, the results were the same. My primary love language is Words of Affirmation, and my secondary love language is Quality Time. Quality time being second out of five did not surprise me, but Words of Affirmation being first really did. There are a number of reasons that explain that. Let’s dive into just one. 

Growing up, my parents never told me that they loved me, or that they were proud of me. As a pre-teen and then teen, I was always on the lookout for approval, but it didn’t show up like that until I understood it fully. I did well in school because I wanted to make my mom proud, and I wanted her to know her efforts weren’t in vain. I prolonged a relationship with my father longer than I should have, because I wanted his approval very badly. 

Even though I don’t ever remember my mom saying the words “I love you” to me, I knew she loved me. Why? I saw it in the quality time she spent with me and around me. I also saw it in the acts of service she did for me. I would spend time with my mom while she was cooking, or weeding, or gardening because she would call me out of the house to do it. She would also help me with my homework, or iron my uniforms when I was too tired to do it. Looking back, I can now explain that that’s how she showed love. However, that’s just not how I perceived it, and that caused me to think she didn’t like me much once, and that caused one of the only arguments we ever had. I had just gotten a report card, I came first in my class, and she called everyone telling them about it, but didn’t look at me and tell me that she was proud of me. When I started crying, she was very appalled that I could think she wasn’t proud, even though she hadn’t outright said it. 

Now, after all the introspection, I do agree with the results of the quiz that stated that my primary love language is words of affirmation. It has manifested itself in so many ways: like how I’ve honoured my mom in my poetry collection, how I honor my friends with poetry and meaningful text messages, how I use this blog to connect with others, and how I’ve kept every single note/card that I have ever received. 

Grief really is love with nowhere to go. I really wish I could go back and tell my mom that I appreciate her loving me the only ways she knew how, and that I felt it, and my heart knew it as love. I also wish younger me would realize that my perception is not always reality, and that’s okay. 

Regardless, I’m so happy that I am able to reflect, grow, and learn. As I approach my mom’s death anniversary, I thank God for the spirit of introspection, and healing through my own words. Also, I look forward to watching myself grow by giving others grace to love me in the ways they know how, instead of seeing problems when I don’t perceive it that way. 

QOTD: What are your primary and secondary love languages, and how does it affect how much/how little you feel loved by others? 

Love from all ends, 
Bella 


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