Rewiring My Mind: Part Thirteen - Giving Grace

Hello there Beauties!

I actively talk about how I’m re-wiring my mind so I can be a better adult. Usually, in this series, I often talk about things that I’m actively struggling with, and actively working on. This time, I feel like I am at a mastery level, and I’m very proud of that. Let’s talk about giving grace. 

Growing up, I always cared extensively about how people perceived me, and that in turn affected how I view other people. In other words, if people only tended to point out the worst in me, I’d try to find the best in others because I knew firsthand the horrors of negative self-perception. Makes sense?

Let me break that down a little bit. I didn’t have a positive self-image (still working on that) and so it really mattered what people thought of me, especially people in my personal space. Even now, I’m actively working on myself, and fixing the less desirable things about me that others have pointed out to me. 

Anyway, this is what steered me away from dichotomous thinking. This basically means extreme or binary thinking— it’s either this or that, no in-between. Popular binary thoughts are: 

• Life is either just black or white. 
• The cup is either half full or half empty. 
• It’s either all good or all bad. 
• It’s either all or nothing. 

With all of these, I have learned to not only see things as they present but to also see them as they are. This involves a lot of thinking and consideration. For example, I can break down a few thought processes: 

• Life is NOT just black or white. There’s always a gray area - what if everyone doesn’t get the same options? 
• The cup is either half full or half empty. -What if my cup has a hole, or what if yours is an insulated mug with a handle, and mine is a mini teacup? 
• It’s either all good or all bad. -What if there are things that are going good (for eg. you’re healthy) but ALSO things that are going bad (for eg. you’re unemployed)?
• It’s either all or nothing. -What if you only achieved 8/10 goals? Is that not a still achievement?

See what I mean? 

Anyway, I’m starting from the point. 

Beloushii, what’s the point? -I’m getting to it, bear with me. 

Life requires us to give each other grace - to learn, to make mistakes, to grow, to own up, to go at our own pace, to make our own decisions, to change our bad habits, to improve, etc etc. Thinking a situation is either black or white leaves no room for consideration for the person on the other end. You never know what people are going through, or the situations that led them to a specific one. 

This is part of the reason that I hold no grudges, even if I might hold on to the hurt. I’ve long forgiven (just as soon as I’ve internalized it, blamed myself, wondered where I went wrong/ what I did wrong, hold on to the grudge for a while — until I see you living your best life, uninternalize it, and move on). 

I think of it like getting wounded by a knife > healing > getting the scar > keeping the scar > never putting the knife in the same person’s hand again. 

As we continue this week, let’s normalize giving others grace. Also, give yourself grace for all the shirty situations you were in that were indeed your fault. Forgive yourself. Move on. Be better. 

QOTD: Are there ways in your life that you apply dichotomous logic? How do you plan on improving that?

Love from all ends, 

Bella