Rewiring My Mind: Part Fifteen - Purpose-Driven

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Hello there Beauties!

I am on a journey to reshape my thinking, and in doing so, change my life. My mind is the root cause of most of my issues, and if I tackle that, I can slowly improve my mental health and my life by extension. So, I am working on myself, one mind-changing issue at a time. This past week, I was thinking about my purpose and life. I have been pondering the following: 

When it comes to my life and my experiences compared to that of the world, how do I fit in? 
What is my contribution to the world? 
What is my purpose? 
What am I doing? 
What is my life's mission? 

Honestly, when I think about myself and who I am in the grand scheme of things, I waver a little. Life as we know it is like an ocean. and each of us is a mere droplet in that ocean. Yes, there are big droplets and little droplets, and each droplet can make a ripple. Each of us has the ability to make a difference, an impact, a ripple. 

At the same time, in the same way the ocean keeps flowing, life also does not stop for anyone. It keeps going regardless. It makes it quite hard to rest, reset, relax, recharge, heal, or grieve without feeling like life is passing you by. It adds this pressure (on me at least) to just go go go because I lose time when I stop. 

I often think about my life and the impact I want to make on the world; the legacy I want to leave when I pass on. I think about the role I play in society, and ultimately, what am I doing here. I think about people in service leadership. The people whose life's work affects that of other people -- shapes minds, change lives, build futures. The part of teaching that scared me the most was the fact that other people's futures were in my hands, and that was not a light task. It is part of the reason I had to quit because I was going to be responsible for other people's lives, and under those circumstances, I would have been putting those futures at risk. It was heavy, and I struggled with it. I imagine it is the same for doctors, nurses, law enforcement, etc... those people whose life choices have direct and indirect impacts on others. 

There has been this discourse on Jamaican TikTok this week about whether it is an accomplishment to have kids, and whether it is a flex to not have any. I think the people who don't believe that it is a flex to not have kids if you are not financially, mentally, emotionally, or physically ready to have children, are the same people who do think parenthood is a joke. Being a parent is one of the most important roles in service leadership, and in society. You are essentially raising a human being, who will one day become an adult and a contributing part of society. It is a heavy burden and one that should not be taken lightly. 

In the same way, I am left with the thought that my life needs to reflect the choices of a good person -- one whose life choices positively impact others. Does that mean I should not live, or should live my life forever chasing an impossibility? No, because you will be the villain in someone else's story; this is a must. Instead, I have pivoted into thinking that I need to ensure that I live with the utmost integrity: making sure my intentions are well, that my choices serve all those involved well, that my work is done to the best of my ability, that I live life to the fullest, and that I am authentic throughout. In the end, I want to be able to say that if there were a movie about all my life choices, I could play it in front of an audience, and not be ashamed. For now, that is my purpose. 

I need to be still in this season of my life. I am working on being content with where I am and where I am headed, as long as I have a plan. I am keeping my head above water and ensuring that my choices can be put under a microscope and not jeopardize my integrity and my authenticity. I am who I am, and I can only grow from here on out. "There's no losing, only learning. No failure, only opportunities. No problems, only solutions."


QOTD: If your life were a movie, do you think you could watch it in front of a live audience, uncut? 

Love from all ends, 

Bella 


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